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Climbing out ….

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The good news is that I’m back in my “boots”. I’m back in bunker gear and pulling regular tours.

The bad news is that I’m still not 100% and I know I never will be again. I’m still working through the grieving process and searching for my “new normal” (read my previous post “Searching for a New Normal” by clicking HERE) .

In another previous post (“Melt Down”) , I told ya about the “stages of grief” and how grief is as individual as the person suffering through it. We don’t necessarily go through the stages in order and by no means in the same way.

I’m currently working through the “depression” stage (and, I believe; suffering through PTSD).

I was expecting it but have never fully understood exactly what “depression” was. I’m learning the hard way.

My thoughts continue to wonder with every waking moment and it’s difficult for me to focus.

I still can’t eat. I just don’t have an appetite … I’m  not hungry. When I try to force myself to eat, I throw it back up so I figure why bother.

I’m sleeping some at night now but I’m not REALLY “sleeping”. I’m tired all the time and can’t motivate myself to get out and do anything. I try to make myself go “somewhere” or do “something” but I don’t. I know I need to.

I haven’t even been able to write (evident in my recent lack of postings and absence from Face Book).

I’m not getting along well with others … I just want to be alone.

All these things seem so petty and easy to fix but they’re not.

That’s the hardest part for me. I know what’s happening and what I need to do ….. I just can’t muster the energy or motivation to get it done.

I have to start climbing my way out of this hole … I thought I have been but it doesn’t feel like I’m making much progress. I can’t stay here (like this) forever.

One of the folks I’ve been seeing offered a prescription for anti-depressants. It’s not for me. There’s a small part of me that almost took her up on it just so I could learn for myself (and share with you folks) if they (the pills) “really” work or not. Unfortunately,  I’m not the “pill” taking kind ( I hardly even even take an aspirin) so I won’t be able to tell you “first hand” about anti-depressants. I can tell you that depression is REAL . It’s an illness that can be crippling.

I see a lot of it in the firehouse for one reason or another. Not just in situations like mine (the loss of a loved one) but also over financial issues, marital problems etc. If you want to learn more about depression and take your “Depression IQ quiz”, take a minute and CLICK HERE .

The best thing for me has been talking about it. Getting “it” out of my head and off my chest. I’ve wrote about them a lot here lately but once again, I want to share with you some folks who you CAN TALK TO. People who understand and that do MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

These folks are not just for you or me either. They are there for our Brothers and Sisters as well and it’s up to us to let them know that help is available. PAY ATTENTION … look around you. If someone in your company, your Battalion, Department or whatever is needing help, point them in this direction. You know … firefighter “so and so” whos wife just left him. Ol “what’s his name” from Engine whatever who just took a 3rd mortgage out because he lost his 2nd job.  That S.O.B on the Ladder who we all know has been drinking too much …. all these Brothers have someone to turn to. Let them know before it’s too late. Here are the links ….

Grief.com,   Recover from Grief.com , The Sweeney Alliance,Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance, North American Firefighter Veteran Network

I had a bad day yesterday. Like most everyday, there’s always something that will remind me of Jackson.

I pulled a tour Saturday (we work 24hr shifts) and when I got home yesterday morning, the Buckaroo was waiting for me. It was 8am , he missed his “Paw-Paw” and wanted to play.

He got his motorcycle toy out. It’s like the old Evil Knievel wind up toy. If you’re a boy and anywhere near my age (44), I’d bet you had one.

I showed him how to use some books / magazines to make a ramp so we could make some jumps down the hallway. It was just how me and Jack did it when we were kids.

I could see us like it was just yesterday. Then the thought hit me (as it always does in situations like this) …. I wanted to call Jackson and tell him what we were doing. He would LOVE it! Knowing that me and the Buckaroo were doing exactly what he and I did as kids. I know he’d remember our ramps … our jumps…. fighting over who went next…. he’d understand and know EXACTLY what we were feeling / doing. He’d have that unforgettable smile on his face just thinking about it.

I’ll never get to make “those” calls again … not to Jackson and it’s killing me. This grief … the depression…. it keeps knocking me down but I won’t let it keep me here.

Like I said in the beginning of this post, I have to start climbing my way out of this hole.

“CLIMBING”…… Seems I wrote about that one time …. back in July of 2011 actually in a post titled “We are all Climbing” (Take the time to hit the link and read that post … I think you’ll find it worthwhile). Stairs,  ladders or whatever obstacle, it seems we all are indeed “climbing”.

Me? I’m gonna find my way out …. I’m gonna find that “new normal” because I’m going to keep climbing …. it’s all I know to do.

I’m gonna start by getting out of town again. I’m going to head up north and spend a little time in NYC and out on Long Island.

I’m going to attend the Long Island Fire, Rescue and EMS Mega Show on Feb. 23rd / 24th. I’ll be working the booth with my MN8 FoxFire family but I’ll also be doing what I love best … meeting, spending time with and talking to all the Brothers and Sisters in attendance. I think it will be just what I need to get “moving” again …. to “re-engage” and get “back in the game”.

I’ll get ya more details in the next day or so …. until then, thanks again for all the support. Thanks too for allowing me to share all of this with you …. I LOVE YA ALL!

Stay SAFE and in House!

Captain Wines

Posted by on February 18, 2013 • Filed under: administration-leadership, ems-health-safety, ems-topics, fire-rescue-topics, firefighter-safety-health, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A sick mind wanders…

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I’m still in bed but well on the road to recovery. Hopefully, tomorrow; I’ll be close to 90% and able to move around some. Friday, I should be back on the job. Thanks again for all the e-mails, texts etc with “get well” wishes … I told ya all that I was tougher than I look….LOL.

So anyway, when I woke up this morning; my mind wasn’t on being ill or all the things I should be catching up on around the house / farm. My mind was somewhere else … in a stairwell … in multiple stairwells actually.

I have several of the names and faces of the 343 fallen hanging on my dresser mirror by my bed. These are some of the badges I’ve carried during my 5 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs. I see them EVERY morning that I wake up at home.

Every morning I see these faces, my thoughts go back to that day and the great acts that these men carried out.

I think about the strength and courage it must have taken to pick up their tools and start up those stairs. The Pride and Honor these men carried  inspires me daily.

I have reminders everywhere … I still carry the tags from my first climb in my first out gear…..I WILL NOT FORGET.

So, my mind was in those NYC stairwells. It quickly turned to a stairwell in Washington DC.

You see, there were many Brothers and Sisters who took to the stairwells this morning at 08:30 inside the Washington Hilton. They were participating in yet another 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb during the  24th Annual National and Emergency Services Dinner and Seminars Program. The event is co-sponsored by  the Congressional Fire Services Institute  and The National Fallen Firefighter’s Foundation.

If you don’t know already, these events are held throughout the year, all across the Country.

If you haven’t participated in one … YOU SHOULD.

Learn more about 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs

You can find a climb near you or learn how to organize your own by using the link above. If you can’t climb .. REGISTER. Someone will carry a name / picture on your behalf .

The money is much needed and put to good use. Rhett and I heard it for ourselves directly from FDNY Commissioner Salvatore Cassano . True to the NFFF standards, the money raised from these events supports the survivors. It helps fund the FDNY Counseling Unit.

I couldn’t be in DC this morning as bad as I wanted to. I know several Brothers and Sisters who were and know we were represented well. I hope they found what Rhett and I have inside that stairwell during our climbs. It’s something we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.

For those who made the climb this morning … WELL DONE!

I posted this link to a previous post of my a day or so ago… if you didn’t hit it then … DO IT NOW. Even though I wrote it, it’s a good piece that kind of sums it up for those of us on the job ….

Read “We are ALL climbing”

Stay SAFE and in House!

Captain Wines

Posted by on April 25, 2012 • Filed under: administration-leadership, fire-rescue-topics, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

FDNY BABY ! FIRE CRITIC, DAVE STATTER AND IRONFIREMEN.COM VISIT NEW YORK

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WOW ! Once again I find myself humbled and unsure if I will be able to tell this story and due it justice. The Fire Critic (Lt. Rhett Fleitz) and I have been in the Big Apple for the past couple days. We’ve traveled a lot together this year and each trip gets better and better.

We headed straight to the Bronx and the quarters of FDNY’s Engine 68 / Ladder 49. Two of our good friends and Brothers ( Nate DeMarse and Chris Collier) are stationed there. Nate knew we were heading up and told us to drop by for a visit. We are glad we did!

Nate was on duty and gave us an AWESOME tour of their house and rigs. I love being in FDNY firehouses,  they are each full of exactly what Rhett and I stand for Brotherhood, Honor, Tradition and PRIDE !

They were getting ready for their annual Christmas party where all the members and their families come to the house to celebrate the Holiday Season together. They had Christmas decorations up everywhere … even on the Engine and Ladder.

View my photo album “Christmas around the Firehouse 2011″  HERE

LIKE my “Fan Page” (Wooden Ladders and Iron Firemen Blog) and send in your “Firehouse Christmas pics”  HERE 

We left 68/49 and made our way back to the hotel. We were cutting our time close and had a dinner to attend. Rhett was taking care of parking the van while I got the bags up to the room. I was on the phone with dad letting him know that we had arrived safe and sound when I walked over and opened the curtains…..

IT TOOK MY BREATH!!

We were staying next to Ground Zero (Club Quarters, World Trade Center) but had no idea of the view we would have.

We had a perfect view of the Freedom Tower and Reflection Pools!

I can’t explain the emotions that came over me …. I had no idea that this would be the view when I pulled the curtains back. I was speechless.

I felt as if I couldn’t catch my breath. I had to end the call with dad while I stood there in silence trying to take in everything in front of me. I was overcome with emotion and wept.

Me, Rhett and Zach Green had been to New York not too long ago. We got an unbelievable personal tour of the Tribute Center by Co-founder Lee Ielpi. We also got to tour the Memorial but only from ground level. Seeing it from the 17th floor gave  a whole different perspective.

View my previous post from / about New York  HERE  and  HERE 

When Rhett made it up to the room, he had a very similar reaction. The view alone had made this trip “worth it ” … we could have went home right then and been completely satisfied. I’m glad we didn’t because the trip continued on this great pace!

We changed quickly and headed out to dinner with Dave Statter  and several other very good friends. It’s very humbling to travel and hang out with this group. Without saying who they are, I’ll simply say that this group of folks have dedicated their lives to helping / supporting Firefighters and they do a DAMN FINE job of it!

When you’re with a group of this caliber, we often find ourselves around some of the “big names” of the Fire Service. This dinner would be no exception.

Rhett and I found ourselves eating dinner with none other than the Commissioner and Chief of Department for the FDNY!

The Commissioner even said that he loved my mustache! We slipped him one of our “Brotherhood Chips” and he returned the gesture by giving us a FDNY Challenge Coin!

Dinner was GREAT and the conversation even better. Afterwards, we would hit a familiar “watering hole” of ours next door to FDNY’s 10/10.  Once again, we bumped into some big names within the Fire Service.

Who would have imagined that we would bump into some of the  men behind the 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs?

Next thing we know, we are raising a glass and drinking beer with the likes of  Oren Bersagel-Briese, Scott Eckels, Josh Smith, Brian Bush and Shawn Dunston!

These guys were a BLAST to hang out with!

We had a couple drinks and some more GREAT conversation. None of us wanted it to end so we haeded back to the hotel room for a night cap. Come to find out, they were staying in the same place!

Obviously, we talked about the Stair Climbs.  And after seeing the view from our room, we decided to do a climb in the morning.

You guessed it … to bed at 03:30 and back up at 06:00 to climb 110 stories in Memory and Honor of our fallen FDNY Brothers! (This would be the 4th climb this year for me and Rhett)

WHAT AN HONOR AND PRIVILEGE !

Not only to climb with these guys but to do it in the shadow of GROUND Zero!

Luckily, we had brought our helmets. We also brought the pictures of the men who Rhett and I have carried and climbed for in each of our past climbs.

You should all know by now that I climb in memory of Joey Angelini. I carry his picture in my turnout coat every day I’m at work. This morning, I would carry it again for another 110 stories.

Read about my previous climbs  HERE   HERE  and HERE 

Obviously, these guys “get it” !

They climb very much like Rhett and I … in silence, reflecting on why we are there … doing what we are doing.

It’s not about us … it’s about honoring those 343 men who were robbed of their opportunity to complete their climb back on September 11, 2001.

MURDERED … and I will never forget that. I carry that thought and memory with me every day .. on duty or not.

The climb was yet another experience and part of this trip that makes it unforgetable.

Rhett and I have often talked about how blessed we are to have been given all of these life altering experiences. I say that with all seriousness.

If you’re a fireman … a “TRUE” fireman (and I’m not talking about putting out fires or saving cats) and have never participated in a 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb, YOU SHOULD! Only then will you understand.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done yet somewhere deep down, somewhere deep down in your soul and out of that stairwell, you find the strength the keep climbing. It transforms you. I was in that stairwell climbing but I was also somewhere far away. Sweating, out of breath and burning with pain yet at peace.

THANKS BROTHERS for inviting and allowing me and Rhett to share this “unofficial” 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb with you … IT WAS AN HONOR and like the 343 fallen, will be carried with me until I die!

So, that was 06:00. By 7:00, we were in the shower and changing to head out the FDNY Training Academy on Randall’s Island .

Retired FDNY R3 member Dan McDona jumped behind the wheel of the van and gave us one hell of a ridde out to the Academy.

Dan was a HOOT!

With that deep New York Accent he told stories the entire way out…. AMAZING!

He knew we had climbed that morning but had no idea who I had climbed in memory and honor of. He got to telling stories about a past member from Rescue 1 who they called “sub-cellar”.

Turns out, he was talking about Joey Angelini. They called him “sub-cellar” because of the 2 and 3 story deep basements in his 1st due. Joey was always right down there in the middle of it … deeper than and below everyone else.

Dan told some great stories and left me and Rhett with yet another experience that we will not soon forget.

Out on the Island, the Commissioner paid us another visit. He wanted to come out and personally thank us for what we do.

He also brought those Challenge Coins I mentioned.

He didn’t just bring em …. he handed em out … PERSONALLY!

A CLASS ACT !

He could have had his aid do it but HE wanted  to. He even took the time to pose for another picture.

While on the Island, we got another personal tour…

WHAT A FACILITY !!!

These guys have a complete city built INSIDE a huge garage / barn / building…. INSIDE !!!

The tour was nothing short of amazing!

A great way to wind up our trip….

I have a ton more details and pictures to share but they’ll have to wait until tomorrow. It’s time for “Fire Boy” and me to get our butts back home.

I’m back on duty tomorrow so I’m sure I’ll get another post up … I’ll try to anyway. Special thanks to Dave Statter and Rhett for letting me “tag along ” … Thanks to everyone who took care of us while we were on the road … Brotherhood IS still alive and Rhett and I have no trouble finding it!  We were HONORED to be in the presence of such amazing people once again.

Thanks for reading / following. I’ll add more pics etc to Face Book. Be sure to check em out and click the “LIKE” button while your there. Stay Safe and in House!

Captain Wines

Posted by on December 13, 2011 • Filed under: command-leadership, fire-rescue-topics, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

RE-ADJUSTING

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I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed nor am I a complete idiot. That said, I know that I am not nor have I ever been what most folks would call “normal”. I also know that “normal” is something I will never be.

Rhett, Zach Green and I have just returned from a trip up to New York City. Much like most of the journeys Rhett and I embark on ( ie; 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs, NFFF Memorial Weekends, etc), this trip was life altering. I find myself back home and even on duty today but so far from the person who left Roanoke a mere 5 days ago.

Read my brief follow up post to our trip HERE 

For those of you who follow this site regularly, you know that of all the things my postings can be described as, “brief” is usually not on that list. I used the word “brief” in the above link because there is so much detail that I left out. I did this intentionally.

First, there are some parts / details about our trip that we just can’t talk about yet. You’ll understand why when we are allowed to release details. Secondly, I just didn’t have the time for a 10 page post describing everything we experienced. Third, I felt that the parts of this trip that affected me most deserved its own post. Now, I know that it will most likely take 2 or 3 installments.

I spoke in my follow up post about visiting some FDNY Houses … in particular, Rescue 1, Rescue 4 and Ten House. These visits alone were very emotional for me.

Early in my career, I was (and remain today) a huge FDNY “buff”. They are the “benchmark” for America’s Fire Service … the elite of the elite if you will. Good friend and Brother Captain Todd Stone and I made a trip up, spent the night and got to ride with Rescue 4 in the early 1990′s. I WAS HOOKED ! We returned each  year following (together or alone) to do the same. In the years following, I had the honor of staying with Rescue 1 and later with 39 / 16  (Todd would spend many nights with Rescue 2).

I met the men of these houses. We talked and ate together. I was one of thousands that they meet yearly but they were the only NYC firefighters I knew. It was on one these rides where I met Joey Angelini of Rescue 1.

Read an earlier post on meeting “Joey” HERE

These men made an impression on me. One that I carry still today. I’ve returned only once since the September 11 attacks when I stayed with 39/16 and marched along side them in the 2002 St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Last week was the first time I’ve been back to Rescue 1 or 4 since before the attacks. Again I’ll say … it was very emotional.

Every FDNY House has plaques and memorials. The run boards from that fateful day have never been erased. We all have heard the names and seen the faces. In these houses, for me; it was more than a name or picture on a wall …. I knew these men.

Stepping into these houses, I concentrated hard to mask my emotion. I didn’t want my being upset / emotional to affect the men on duty. I think I did ok but “something” must have shown.  Upon entering the House, I would ask to see the Officer. I never mentioned having been there “before”. As far as they knew, this was my first visit. That’s whats so amazing about our Brotherhood… I didn’t have to. After a brief introduction and eye contact, it was almost as if they knew. We were immediately accepted as one of their own and the House opened up to us.

This would be my first time meeting Rescue 1′s Lt. Tarabocchia …. what a great guy! We “clicked” from the get go. He wanted me to wear his Lt’s shirt because the Chief was due for a visit… it was a mustache thing. Before we could make the switch, the Chief arrived but it still made for a good laugh.

It was an AWESOME visit. Lt. Tarabocchia even gave me somewhat of a private tour of the house. He never pointed them out but I believe purposely took me past several “personal” memorials for the House. He even shared some personal stories and photographs.

Joey’s name or picture was everywhere and after all my climbs etc in honor and memory of him, it was almost peaceful to be seeing it in that House. I just can’t explain it. I guess if I was to sum it up in a single word, it word be the one found atop their rig and throughout the House … ” OUTSTANDING ” !

Even the “small” things on this trip triggered emotion…. a ride on the subway.

Our first night in the City, we left Times Square and headed down to Ground Zero. We took the subway. Little did we know we would emerge right between St. Paul’s Chapel  and Ground Zero. It took my breath…. each of us knowing exactly where we were … unable to speak. I wish I could describe the sight. A clear city sky … a slight nip in the air … everything going on and moving around us yet it felt as if time had stopped. Rhett and I made eye contact and without saying knew… “THIS” has been our destination for the past 10 years.

I’ll fast forward to the following day. Rhett headed down to New Jersey to teach his Social Media in the Fire Service class. I would stay behind with Zach and work on a different project.

My various  work with Rhett,  Zach and Fox Fire  has allowed me to travel to some fantastic places and meet some great people. One of those folks is Chief Billy Goldfeder. Chief Goldfeder is a true Fire Service Leader and I am honored and privileged to know him. We had reached out to Chief Billy for this trip and he came through in an unbelievable way. What he did for us was the most emotional part of this journey and I’m not sure if I will ever be able to repay the debt.

Chief Billy arranged a tour for us at the WTC Tribute Center . Chief didn’t arrange just any tour mind you … he set it up with the Center’s founder, Lee Ielpi.

At the times of the attacks, Lee was a retired member from Rescue 2 in Brooklyn. His son was on the job with Squad 288 of Queens. Jonathan ( Lee’s son) made his last phone call to his father that day. Squad 288 lost more members than any other company that day .. 19 .. Jonathan Ielpi was one of those members.

Lee grabbed his gear and headed to Ground Zero … HE HASN’T LEFT YET ! His story should touch each of you. Before I get to it, PLEASE take a moment and watch the videos below …


Meeting Lee was much like meeting the members that we had back in the Houses … as soon as we made eye contact, “something” was understood and a bond made. Lee would keep hold of my arm or his hand on my shoulder throughout our tour. It was a comforting feeling …

Lee had a meeting to attend and at first told us he regretted the tour would be brief. Within moments, we both knew that he would be late for that meeting.

The tour he gave us was nothing short of AMAZING. Words can not describe it. It was beyond personal. He was there. Lee gave detail of each exhibit that very few know. Lee and I cried together several times that day ….

He told us the story of the 8 dads. Eight fathers searching through the rubble for their sons. Exactly 3 months to the day from the attacks, Jonathan was found. Lee was the only father of the eight to get his son back and the amazing thing was that his body was in tact. Later, they would find parts of his gear (also mostly in tact). Jonathan’s turnout coat and helmet are one of the exhibits at the Tribute Center.

Lee told us the story then turned away as we approached Jonathan’s gear … I followed, both crying once again. I thought of Lee and Jonathan as well as of me and my dad. It’s a powerful story and exhibit. It also speaks of the kind of man Lee is to have that exhibit in the Tribute Center.

I didn’t take any pictures inside the Tribute Center. It is allowed and welcomed but for me, it didn’t feel right. Beyond that, I didn’t want to interrupt Lee’s conversation / stories nor did I want to be released from his touch. I hesitate even to add the picture to the right … it’s Lee by the actual exhibit. I add it only in hopes that it will “speak” to you as the entire experience did for me.

Beyond the exhibits, Lee told a bigger story … a story he wants everyone to know. He needs our help!

The center is staffed mostly with volunteers. Not just any volunteer either. Most of the folks giving tours etc are survivors of the attack in one way or another. People who escaped the collapse, who lost loved ones, who were outside watching as the towers fell, etc. The story is being told through so many perspectives yet through the same focus … from the ones who were there.

The thing is, the only way to hear this story is to go to the tribute Center. Do you know that the details and events of that day (as well as those preceding and following) are not in our children’s history books?  Ten years later and it’s not mentioned in school !!!

Who will teach our children? What will they teach them? I think about the Buckaroo … what will he learn of that day?? As it stands now… NOTHING. Nothing other than what I will teach him. It needs to be in our children’s history books! The entire story … the TRUTH.

The Tribute Center has several classroom resource kits that teach the important lessons of 9/11. “Eight videos reveal personal stories from people who were directly impacted by September 11, 2001 and who in response developed projects to make this world a more peaceful, tolerant place. Each story is accompanied by discussion questions, historical context, research links and projects.”

I will post more on Lee, The Tribute Center and their mission in the future. A LOT more. If interested, you can find the resource kits HERE .

Thanks for reading …

Captain Wines

Posted by on October 30, 2011 • Filed under: administration-leadership, fire-prevention-education, fire-rescue-topics, in-the-line-of-duty, line-of-duty, major-incidents, news, Uncategorized, videos • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

FIRE CRITIC AND IRONFIREMEN.COM ON THE ROAD AGAIN NYC 2011

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It’s been a while since I’ve checked in but it’s not because I’ve been slacking.

I’m actually posting this installment from NJ. Rhett and I have been between NJ and New York City for the past several days. We’ve been up here with our good friend from Fox Fire  Zach Green.

Find Zach, MN8 Products and Fox Fire on Face Book HERE

It’s been a ton of work and a hectic schedule but we are also having a blast. This is basically a work trip for us. I will be assisting Rhett while he teaches his “Social Media” class in New Jersey. He is teaching through Kean University  for the 2nd time …. a great class if you ever get the chance to catch it.

We are also doing a little leg work for Zach and Fox Fire. This has allowed us to visit a few of the elite companies of the FDNY.

We started out at Rescue Company #4 in Queens ( Wednesday).

Rescue 4 is a GREAT house!

Back in “the day”, I (and good friend / brother Captain Todd Stone) would go up and ride at R4. That was an awesome experience. I haven’t been to or rode a rig in New York since 2002. It felt great to be back in a FDNY house.

The Brothers of R4 were very welcoming. They opened the house and treated us very well. This was Rhett and Zach’s first visit to a Rescue Company in FDNY. They were very impressed.

 

After leaving our Brothers in Queens, we headed into Manhattan. Our first stop was Times Square and then down to Ground Zero and the Freedom Tower . It was unbelievable to see at night!

We ended up at FDNY’s Ten House ….Engine 10 / Truck 10 … this was another AWESOME visit. For those of you who don’t know, 10 House is located right at Ground Zero.

I’d say Truck 10 is one of the most recognizable post - 9/11  Ladders in the City ( in my opinion ). I’d say most of you have seen the American flag and 9/11 photo on the side. Their previous rig was destroyed during the attacks. They were able to recover one of the doors and now have it displayed in a memorial inside the house…. a VERY emotional display!

You also have to understand that due to their location, this House is FLOODED with visitors / guest. I’m sure the last thing these guys wanted to see was the 3 of us rolling in. We would have never known that by their reactions. Just like at Rescue 4, we were welcomed with open arms.

These Brothers opened their doors and made us feel right at home.  It’s an awesome feeling to know that you can walk into a firehouse anywhere in the Country and be taken care of …. BROTHERHOOD !

After our visit at Ten House, we had to choose between eating or catching a Broadway show. Remember now that Rhett and I have been on the road since 5 am that morning and had only stopped long enough for a pack of nabs and a cold beer. I was about to STARVE.

That said, we decided to eat. Now remember, when we travel with Zach Green; WE EAT WELL !

This trip would be no exception….  we chose Ben Benson’s Steakhouse .

OMG!!! What a great steak!

Nothing says “a good time” like sharing 10lbs of beef and a bottle of good wine with friends.

I gotta say … it’s nice to sit down at a fancy restaurant every now and again. This place was way out of my league ( that’s why I was drinking wine .. they didn’t have Old Milwaukee ..LOL ) but I don’t think anyone noticed. Bottom line, it was a great cap off to our first day in NYC.

 

Oh wait…. that wasn’t the end of our night…

We also found time to hang out with that Occupy Wall Street thing ..?!?

Yea.. while out walking we stumbled upon a tent city full of …. ummmm …errrrrrr …. well, it was crowded.

Come to find out, we were smack in the middle of the occupy Wall Street thing…

Next thing we know, there is a mob marching down the street, riot police and helicopter hovering above our heads.

Rhett and Zach fit right in … before I knew it, they were holding hands with some long haired dude singing Kumbaya! LOL

So, after that; we headed to our hotel for a quick night cap before I tucked Rhett in for the night. We would have another long day Thursday.

Rhett was on the road at 5am heading down to Jersey for his first class. I would hang in the City with Zach while we finished up a little work and some more networking.  We started our day out back at Ten House before heading up to Rescue 1 .

It was very emotional for me to be back in that house.

I have posted here numerous times on doing the NFFF 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs. I have always climbed in honor and memory of Joseph Angelini (Sr). “Joey” was assigned to Rescue 1 and I am lucky (and honored) to have not only met and knew him … I RODE WITH HIM ON RESCUE 1 !!

See a previous posts  on Joey Angelini   HERE  and    HERE    .

Of course every firehouse in the FDNY has some type of memorial, but Rescue 1 had Joey everywhere. If you double click the picture left, you’ll notice him in the upper / left row of pictures. Anyway, it was difficult for me, but I kept my composure. We were once again welcomed with open arms!

I REALLY enjoyed this vist. We were met by Lt. Tarabocchia …

A GREAT GUY …. we hit it off right from the start! ( it’s a mustache thing ).

It was almost like we were part of the company and we never even spoke of my previous year’s rides with Rescue 1. They had a visit from a Chief, a tour with a couple of kids and even conducted a in house drill.  I had told the Lt. that if things got too busy or crowded, we could slip away somewhere and return later ….    He wouldn’t hear of it.

 So, we got to hang out through it all.” The Lou” even gave me a special tour of the house and shared some personal pictures / stories … I  was HONORED.

I didn’t think we would be able to top that visit … the day only got better. We had reached out to good friend, Brother and Fire Service Leader Chief Billy Goldfeder (that’s another mustache thing). Chief Billy set us up in a way that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay.

He sat us up for a tour of the WTC Tribute Center . Not just any tour mind you … this was set up by Chief Billy Goldfeder … we had a PRIVATE tour. Think that sounds cool ???  What would you think if I told you that the founder himself gave us the tour? Yea … Lee Ielpi himself gave us a personal tour!

I had heard the name but it never really registered until I met him. Lee was retired from Rescue 2 (Brooklyn) at the time of the attacks. His son however was on the job. Lee’s son was murdered that day along with 342 more of our brothers. Lee headed straight down to Ground Zero that day and hasn’t left yet. Here’s a short video..

MORE VIDEO LINKS   HERE   and  HERE .

Words can’t describe the emotions of this tour. For whatever reason, Lee and I seemed to “connect” from the beginning. We cried together that day and I will never forget the time we spent  together. I will post a TON more on Lee and the WTC Tribute Center in the very near future. He made a huge impression and has motivated me to become a part of his battle.

The Tribute Center is a MUST SEE for everyone.

It’s located within it’s own building and tells the story of 9/11 through several perspectives. They have some remarkable displays and do a fantastic job of telling the story.

The tour continues outside (across the street) to the site of the Reflecting Pools and Freedom Tower.

The site is still under construction (obviously) but is also a MUST SEE . We were there in the pouring rain yet found it difficult to leave knowing that we hadn’t see it all … another emotional visit.

Needless to say, the next few hours were spent quietly … reflecting.

 SPECIAL THANKS TO CHIEF BILLY GOLDFEDER FOR GIVING ME THIS EXPERIENCE!

We did have more work to do  so, we collected ourselves and  headed out to Brooklyn for a visit with Rescue 2.

Captain Liam Flaherty and his crew also opened their house to make us feel at home.

We shared some great conversation around their kitchen table while watching the Rangers game. I had been to R2 before but have never ridden. I had also meet Captain Flaherty before while at Firehouse Expo in Baltimore, Md. earlier this year ( see that post and pictures again by clicking  HERE )

We were all beat by this time and once again headed back to our hotel for a few hours sleep.

This morning, Rhett and I loaded up and headed back down to Jersey for a 2nd day of teaching Social Media. Zach will catch a flight back to Ohio around mid day. I have a lot more info to share with you about our trip but I’ll save that for posts later this week.

As soon as we finish up class, Rhett and I will be back on the road and headed home. Rhett works tomorrow and I’ll return to duty on Sunday. Special thanks as well to Roanoke Brothers Lt. Barry Ferguson, Lt Chuck Sharp and Captain Craig Sellers for covering my shifts Wednesday and Friday.

I’ll give ya more in the next day or so … until I get back, Stay Safe and in House!

Captain Wines

 

 

 

Posted by on October 28, 2011 • Filed under: in-the-line-of-duty, line-of-duty, news, Uncategorized, videos • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why am I even here?

6 comments

I’ve asked myself that question thousands of times since the attacks on our Nation back in 2001. My dad, Rhett (The FireCritic), Todd “Boots” Harris and myself recently sat down for an interview with Roanoke Times reporter Jorge Valencia. It was a GREAT interview and I hope he realizes what he was able to capture on his recorder.

We sat around a table at The Second Alarm, a bar that Boots and his dad (also retired from Roanoke Fire Department) has owned and operated for over 30 years. As most firemen are, we were slow and hesitant to talk at first but, after we got started; we totally forgot Jorge was even at the table. A lot of what he head was fireman to fireman. Brother to brother and Father to son.

Dad called me that morning in 2001 and said for me to get to our shop asap. We stood together, in horror, attached to our small TV for days. We didn’t talk much … we didn’t have to. We knew what the other was thinking … we were sharing it together. We tried to explain  to Jorge that what made it so bad was the fact that we had the “inside scoop”. He knew (or at least had an idea of) what our FDNY Brothers were facing. When the first tower fell, dad simply said in a crackled voice ” we just lost a bunch of firemen “.

It didn’t need spoken, I think he was thinking out loud while his mind was trying to equate what we had just witnessed. I knew all too well what that collapse meant and said a silent prayer that that our brothers had went quick and painless.

I had been to NYC several times. It started with good friend and Brother Captain Todd Stone. We went together for St. Patrick’s Day and had the honor of riding Rescue 4 in Queens. Following that trip, I returned every year. That’s when I got to ride with Rescue 1 in Manhattan and when I met Joey Angelini ( I would later make my stays at 39/16). Joey made a huge impression on me.

Visitors and guest to a firehouse is a “work detail” of sorts. Someone needs to be assigned to show them around … answer the questions etc. In a smaller Department it’s not such a big deal. The FDNY is swamped with visitors, guest and “buffs”. Typically, the fireman on “watch”, the rookie or less senior man would be assigned to a visitor. After I explained that both my father and I were on the job (in the same Department) back in Va, Joey stepped in. He didn’t have to and it wasn’t expected. Joey was the most senior man in the FDNY. He was also the oldest “in company” and he was on the busiest rig in the city … RESCUE 1 … the elite of the ELITE.

I stuck to him like glue for the entire tour. We caught a bunch of runs and made it to 4 fires that day. It was an awesome experience. Joey spoke of his son, Joey Jr. I could see the pride in his face and hear it in his voice. It was then that I realized how my dad must feel. How I hoped he felt anyway. I wondered about Joey Jr and if he was as proud of his father as I was of mine. Back in “The Noke”, my dad was known as one of, if not THE best firemen on the job. At a minimum, he had the reputation of being a good fireman .. a “good Jake”.

Anyway, I knew Brothers on the job in FDNY. Knew their faces and names. After watching the towers collapse, I knew I had to go. I didn’t know what I could / would do but it had to be better than standing there, watching on TV. Dad stopped me. He didn’t tell me not to go, he simply reminded me that we had a job to do here as well. I had just made Captain and was assigned to the busiest house here in our City. He told me to get my crew in order. To make sure they were all ok and “ready” for whatever may come next. We were under attack and had no idea of what (or where) was coming next. He was right. I called up to 39/16 the following day and they told me not to come. They were swamped with firemen and 1st responders. The massive influx of personnel was only adding to the chaos. It was difficult for me to be here and watch as everything unfolded in New York and DC. but I stayed. That was my job.

I’m not sure what Jorge was looking for in his interview. I think he was wondering how the Fire Department (and it’s firemen) has changed since 9/11. It ended up being a “round table” between several good firemen. I’m not so sure he would have wanted my “take” on how we’ve changed. Are we better or worse? That’s the question everyone else is asking.

I think we’ve made some great steps forward but at the same time feel as if we are no better off today then we were on September 10, 2011. In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, the Fire Service as a whole received some much needed validation. For years, we were looked at as overpaid workers who spent all day playing cards, pulling practical jokes and sleeping. Nobody realized what we actually do. Social Media and all these other outlets were unheard of and nobody was there to tell our stories or promote our profession.

On 9/11, we were front page. Firefighters were front page of every newspaper and the lead story of every news cast. The world got a close up, first hand view of why we are on the job and what we do. We lost 343 Brothers from the FDNY that day and as bad as it sounds, it was almost a kind of validation for our job. Firemen across this Country will give their lives to save others…. people we have never meet and don’t even know.  Any one of those 343 could have turned and ran. They could have found a reason to “hang back”. THEY DIDN’T !  They kept climbing. They pushed in and up knowing what we all did … this wasn’t going to have a good ending. That’s why we (the Fire Service) say “Well Done”  to our fallen…. they’ve done their job and they did it well.

I never understood as a child that every time Dad went to the firehouse that he may not have returned. Not until I got on the job and realized how many times he must have came close to that realization. I don’t think my children ever really knew. I’m not sure they know now.

In my opinion, it all faded too quickly. People aren’t shaking our hands at the grocery store any more. We didn’t have 20 visitors to the station last week. Folks don’t just stop by to say “Thanks”.  Today, much like pre-9/11; the Fire Service is faced with budget issues, under staffing, station closures etc. I guess for some, it may be a comfort to know that it only took less than 10 years to forget. For me, it’s heart breaking!

In the last week or so, memories have been awakened. We’ve had visitors, folks wanting to take pictures and conduct interviews. Ceremonies and services have been planned and all the politicians will be there. Arms around firemen or survivors waving the flag of we haven’t forgotten. Where were you last year? How about the year before? Back when we were fighting for that pay raise that we haven’t seen in 4 years? When we warned against and was fighting the closing and consolidation of 2 of the busiest stations in the City? Why were you not looking for photo ops when we were battling staffing cuts? I would be happier had we not received any of the accolades we did following 9/11. I would have much rather kept working and fighting ”status quo” . That would have been better than receiving all that we did just to see it taken away years later. It would have been easier to have  kept working “without” rather than “loosing” what we had gained ….easier to swallow anyway.

I’m not sure about the public but I do think that our politicians have forgotten. Our Brothers?? Firefighters ???  NEVER! We can / will NEVER FORGET. We live it everyday. I do. Not a day goes by that I don’t think back to September 11, 2001 and the sacrifices made that day. And, despite all the political issues etc. I still stand ready to do my job… willing to lay down my life for yours.

None of this made Jorge’s article. Instead, he focused on another aspect of the conversation …. how we honor and remember the fallen. Rhett and I  have been participating in 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs. To date, we have completed 2 climbs ( Baltimore and Atlanta). Tomorrow, we will make our 3rd in Greenbelt, Md !

READ WHY I CLIMB BY CLICKING HERE

These climbs are beyond description as far as I’m concerned. I have described it several times as “spiritual” and, for me; it is. Tomorrow’s climb will be so much more. MY DAD WILL BE CLIMBING WITH US! I get emotional just thinking about it …. after 30 years on the job, 6 years retired, my dad (Pop) will climb 110 stories in memory and honor of those 343. As I do with for him, I also think that in part, he’s climbing for me. For those of us left to finish “the climb”. The climb of the Fire Service … of our profession … our calling.

See Jorge Valencia’s story from The Roanoke Times HERE

Our climbs benefit the National Fallen Firefighter’s Foundation. Registration fees and money raised go towards supporting the families of our fallen. Not just those lost on 9/11 but every fireman who was died in the line of duty. It’s the least we can do! If you’ve never attended the Memorial weekend services in Emmitsburg, Md…. YOU SHOULD! Make plans now to attend this October. Visit the National Fallen Firefighter’s Foundation web site for complete details of stair climbs and the Memorial weekend.

Read about my and Rhetts previous climbs  HERE   HERE   HERE  and  HERE 

I think the above links are some of the best posts Rhett (FireCritic) and I have ever made. They are heart felt, open and honest. If you haven’t taken the time to read them .. please do. I hope you’ll find in our words what we did in those stairwells.

There are several more things that will make our climb tomorrow special. One is that our families (or part of them anyway) will be there. A firefighters family often times sacrifices as much as the fireman himself. I can’t tell you how many ball games, practices etc that I’ve missed because of the job. My wife … well just let me say that there should be a special place in heaven reserved just  for her. To have put up with me, my schedule and this job for 25 yrs is an achievement in it’s self. I love her more than words can say (more than I’ve ever been able to tell or show her) and tomorrow she will share in my climb. She will be there watching…cheering … and I’m sure reflecting on her experiences / losses as a firefighter’s wife. My daughters, Randi-Jo and Reba will also be there along with the Buckaroo. Rhett’s wife and daughter will not be able to make it up but his son, Preston aka “Big P” is making the journey with us!  What and HONOR and BLESSING to have such wonderful families.

Another cool thing is that Rhett and I have helped coordinate a special “gift” for the members climbing in Greenbelt tomorrow. Zach Green of FoxFire and MN8 Products  has made a limited edition, one time ONLY; commemorative Helmet Band for the climbers.  The bands will be numbered 1-343 “of” 343 and will be given to each climber! WOW !!!!  What an awesome gift! These bands along with the many other “illuminating” products offered my FoxFire and MN8 are changing the way we fight fire. Their products will SAVE FIREMEN”S LIVES. If you’re not familiar with or have never heard of FoxFire, CLICK THE LINK ABOVE … your life is WORTH it!

I speak with Zach often and in our last conversation last night, he became emotional. He cried. He can’t make the Greenbelt climb but wanted to make sure that everyone there knew that he wanted to be and that he would be with us in spirit. The Helmet Band give donation is him wanting to keep the rest of us safe. He wanted nothing more than to be there in person to hand out the band and shake the hands of those climbing in honor and memory of the 343. He would have then geared up and climbed right beside us! Zach is an AWESOME person. A friend, a Brother and a Fire Service Innovator! Special thanks to Zach Green, the NFFF and everyone involved in the 9/11 Memorial Stair Climbs across the Country!

 So there ys have it …. I still don’t know why I’m here. I guess it’s because I (and we) still have work to do. I will do my duty every day to the best of my ability. When not on the job, I will do my best to help support and promote those before me. Tomorrow, my task will be to honor and remember those who have paved my way. I will do so with my best friend, my father, friends and family. I WILL NOT MISS A SINGLE  STEP !

Captain Wines

Posted by on September 10, 2011 • Filed under: administration-leadership, fire-rescue-topics, firefighter-safety-health, firefighting-operations, funding-staffing, in-the-line-of-duty, line-of-duty, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Working Fire

2 comments

Photo by Scott Boone

It’s been exactly one month since Randy was assigned to “Lucky #13″ and today, he caught his first fire.

It was what we call a “bread and butter” fire but it was enough for his first one ( this was also Station #3-C Rookie Jake Perry’s first fire ).

Randy (and Jake) did well. Good work from both of em !

The call came in at 10:41 while we were out of the station, in territory and available by the radio … we call it  “on air and available”.

The fire was actually our 2nd due but the company that would have been 1st was out of service for training.

Medic 2 arrived first with smoke showing. Ladder 2 took the address seconds later with us being the 1st arriving Engine.

When the 1st due is out and not responding, it sometimes adds a little confusion to the incident. You’re running with companies that you normally don’t or the next due is coming from a direction different from what you’re use to.  Of course that scenario is quickly  becoming  more normal these days. Something else uncommon for us today was the fact that we were running with 4! That’s how it should be ! Georgie driving, me in the seat and Boots and Randy riding backwards. A 4 man crew is safer and more efficient.

Photo by Lt. Travis Simmons

We arrived with smoke showing from a 2nd floor window, Alpha side at the Alpha / Delta corner. Occupants met me in the yard stating that the fire was in the up stairs bed room and that everyone was out of the house and accounted for.

I made the door and proceeded up the steps to locate the seat of the fire while Randy and Boots made the stretch. I quickly found the fire, closed the bedroom door and moved back to the top of the stairs to wait for em. They were right on my heels.

We stretched in dry and got into position at the door way just as George sent us water. Randy made a good, quick knock down and we advanced in.

Captain Martin and his crew took a 2nd line and made the attic steps. The fire had extended into the attic but they were right on top of it. 1st Lt. Stump and the crew from Ladder 2 made quick work of the searches which were all found to be “all clear”. Captain Croft laid us a hydrant line from Engine 2 and Chief Adkins had command. Engine 4 was RIC, RS-1 served as “Safety” . Medic unit 2 and 4 as well as our support truck (Donnie Foutz) were also on scene.

The fire was knocked down and under control in 5 minutes … GOOD WORK folks!

Being with a firefighter on their 1st fire is an honor. As long as Randy is alive, so will be my memory because you never forget your first one.

It’s kinda cool and I hope he lives to be 100!

Even though this was not MY first fire, today; I kept the memory of 2 great Firemen alive.

Since returning home from the 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb at Firehouse Expo in Baltimore, Md. I have continued to carry the pictures of Joey Angelini and his son Joey Jr. in my turnout coat. See previous posts on the climb and why I carried these pictures  HERE  and HERE .

So, past the fire; it was another busy day here at Lucky #13.

Randy has been ”jacked up on Mt. Dew”  all day! He was mowing grass at 08:15 this morning .

The fire had us late for lunch so we went out. Dinner .. well, dinner was on the Chief but Randy cooked … kinda anyway.

Our Chief (Battalion 2-C  … Teddy Adkins) bought the entire Battalion steaks … BIG ones .. good too!

Well, obviously; we weren’t gonna put the Rookie in charge of the steaks but we did let him bake the potatoes and make a salad. That’s him frying up a little bacon to top it off.

We did allow Randy to check the steaks once or twice but Boots took charge and prepared them to perfection!

SPECIAL THANKS to Chief Adkins (Theodore Wendale) for dinner … a CLASS ACT !

We start 4 day break tomorrow. George and I will be riding down to Lexington, Va early on Saturday for a Charity Poker Run. The ride will benefit firefighter and Lexington Police Sgt. Mark Riley and his family. Read a previous post on the event  HERE  .

Later in the day, I will be heading down to Charlotte, NC for my sister’s wedding! I’ll try to get a post or two in before we come back for the dreaded Monday, Wednesday, Friday tour. Until I get back, Stay Safe and in House!

Captain Wines

Posted by on August 10, 2011 • Filed under: fire-rescue-topics, firefighting-operations, fires, in-the-line-of-duty, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The climb…

17 comments

We did it!

I’m still so proud and in a state of mind that I’m not sure if I can even post about it yet.

All of you folks know that Kevin Totten (Salem Fire/EMS), Rhett Fleitz (Fire Critic) and I have been here in Baltimore for the past few days for Firehouse Expo 2011. You also know that we participated in the 9/11 memorial stair climb. 110 stories in full PPE in honor and memory of our 343 fallen brothers from the FDNY.

The event was a huge success and I am proud to have been a part of it!

 Following 9/11, these climbs have been going on across the Country for some time now but I believe that this particular event had the largest number of participants to date. Obviously, the goal is to have 343 members climbing and we reached the mark of 323 here in Baltimore!

Kevin, Rhett and I were in group #19.

I’ve been emotional the entire time. Emotional as in I can’t even talk about it without getting choked up.

Dave Statter and I talked about it. I remembered back to when he had us ( Firefighter Netcast … Rhett, John Mitchel and I ) up to Emmitsburg, Md for the National Fallen Firefighters Memorial Weekend.

Dave, his wife Hillary and I spoke of being on the Memorial grounds. They both spoke passionately of how the experience there would be  almost “spiritual”. I didn’t understand it at the time but would soon learn how true and accurate  their description was.  At that time in my life, I hadn’t experienced something truly “spiritual”  for a while. I did that weekend.

The experience left me wondering if I would even return to “that place” again. Return not Emmitsburg, but that emotional place I had found while there.

I found it again here in Baltimore! 

I’m not even sure “spiritual” explains it. I was  scared.  Nervous…excited, anxious and apprehensive.  What if I couldn’t make it? I knew (or thought) I had the heart but what if I didn’t have the legs? My thoughts went to those 343 …. did they have the same thoughts? Either way, they had a job to do so they went up…. I did too.

The climb was hard. I knew it would be but I also knew that it was 10 times harder for those  Brothers who lost their lives that day climbing in the World Trade Centers.

I spoke with the group and we formed a rank structure. I was to be in command. (ANOTHER HONOR).

Kevin took the lead, followed by Kevin, Jody, Chris,  Rhett and I trailed the group. In the first flight, I said the Lord’s Prayer. I followed that with the Firemen’s prayer. I then began to think of the brave men who gave their all that September day.

My intentions were to remain silent and allow each member to “have their time” in the stairwell but instinct kicked in and I immediately began checking on our group. I made sure each member was “ok” along the way while giving frequent reminders of water and hand rails. I’m a Captain…. that’s what I do.

Our group was professional. Each member  disciplined and we honored the 343 well! We were a team, working for the same cause… towards the same goal.  In a few very short minutes,  members from  Va, Kentucky, Ohio and Maryland became a company!  I knew from step one that we would all complete the climb even if it meant carrying someone up.

There was plenty of time to reflect. It was a long grueling climb. I thought often of not only the 343 members  from that day but also of many of our lost Brothers  from before and since.

I thought of Pete Lund, William “ Billy”  Hick,  Curtis Meyran, and John Bellew just to name a few. 

 I climbed for Joseph Angelini and his son Joey Jr. I carried both tags and looked at them often. We have worn their pictures every day of the Expo since. I have them around my neck even now as I type this post.

I couldn’t help but think of their families and how the news must have came to them. I wonder if they are ok.  How they’re coping. I wonder if  the money raised for this event will ever reach them? I’m sure it will and hope it makes a difference! More than that, I hope they learn that someone carried their loved ones photo while climbing 110 stories. I hope they know we havent forgotten.

It was somber, sad and frightening.  Those 343 entered that structure that  September day knowing it was a coffin.  There’s no way way they didn’t know it was” gonna be bad”, but they went anyway. Me….us? We had it easy. We had water stations on the 16th and 20th floor (or some where close anyway).  We had Medics in the door ways to ensure we were all ok.

We did the climb 22 stories at a time. We hit the top then rode the service elevator down to the lobby. Then, we headed back up the stairs. There was a short distance between the elevator and stairway we used. That walk took us through the lobby where a large crowd gathered to cheer the climbers on.

It was humbling and brought me to tears every lap.

Group 19 completed our climb in 1 hour! My legs went from feeling like rubber to as if they weighed 100 lbs each. My gear must have tripled in weight as it became sweat soaked. What the gear couldn’t absorb filled my boots.

I looked into the faces of each member of group 19 as we rounded the landings. I saw what I can only imagine was on the faces of the 343 as they climbed …PRIDE and DETERMINATION.

I will remember this climb and my time in that stairwell until the day I die. I will remember Joseph Angelini, his son Joey Jr and the other 341 members of the FDNY who died in stairwells that day.

I WILL NEVER FORGET. Thanks to National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, The Baltimore City FD, The Hilton and all the volunteers who helped with the event. Thanks also to the 323 members who made this climb and to group 19.

Captain Wines

Posted by on July 23, 2011 • Filed under: in-the-line-of-duty, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

We are all climbing

22 comments

Tomorrow, Rhett (The Fire Critic), Kevin Tottin ( Salem Fire / EMS ) and I will arrive in Baltimore, Md for Firehouse Expo 2011.

We have a very busy work schedule through Sunday. We will be there working with Firefighter Netcast  and will be set up in Booth #743 with the likes of  Bill Schum ( Fire Geezer) and Dave Statter ( Statter 911 ) … Stop by for a visit!

We also have several meetings to attend and people to meet with. You will of course find us with the crew from the Fire/EMS Blog Network, Go Forward Media  and Go Forward Fire.  Bosses Dave Iannone and Chris ” hey buuuuuddy” Herbert always take pretty good care of us.  Bill Carey, Paul Andrews and Mary Velline are another 3 folks from the Go Forward team who have always made me feel right at home.  You may also find us hanging out with Zach Green and his crew from MN8 Products / Fox Fire.  Despite all the work, we’re gonna have a good time!

We (Rhett, Kevin and I) will also be participating in the 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb on Thursday at 2pm.  We will climb 110 stories of stairs in full turn out gear (I’ll be the skinny guy with a big mustache carrying Rhett).

Someone asked me the other day why in the world would I want to do that?

That’s easy … because my brothers of the FDNY couldn’t !  They weren’t allowed the time. The towers came down before they could complete their job and maybe,  in some small way; this will allow me to finish it for them.

343 members of the FDNY were climbing those stairs for the people pictured above right …. now, I’ll climb for those 343!

At the sign up, we were asked if we’d like to climb in honor or memory of a particular Firefighter. I choose Joseph “Joey” Angelini.

That’s Joey pictured to the left. Years ago, I used to go to the city for St. Patty’s Day. I’d always stay at a firehouse and catch a ride. One of my first rides was with Rescue 1. Joey was on that tour and went out of his way to spend time and talk with me. He made a lasting impression.

He was the oldest member of the FDNY still in company and he was on one of the busiest rigs !  Talk about Wooden Ladders and Iron Firemen!

His love for the job was evident in his every word …. the pride and honor. It doesn’t seem like we see a lot of that any more.

Like my dad, Joey must have passed his passion on to his son. Joseph Angelini Jr. followed his father’s footsteps but, regretfully; was also killed in the towers that September day ( assigned to Ladder Company 4).

My climb wont be easy. Their’s was worse!

I haven’t been to the gym nor have I practiced for the event. They didn’t have that luxury. The alarm sounded and they went.

This climb  has been on my mind a lot lately. I feel honored to have the opportunity.

As I was thinking, it hit me … I’ve been climbing stairs all my life. Most of us on the job have.

Not necessarily stairs like I’ll climb on Thursday, or the ones they climbed that day; but stairs none the less.

Give me a minute or 20 to explain.

Rhett had a post up last week about the final season of Rescue Me. See that post HERE . In it, he says …

“I think that many may agree that Rescue Me was a decent show in the beginning, but as the seasons progressed dysfunctional lives and too often nearly impossible heroics in conditions which are not indicative of normal firefighting lost real firefighters along the way.”

I have to disagree. I LOVE the show. I can relate to the character Tommy Gavin. The show hasn’t “lost” me and, despite what others may think; I consider myself to be a “real firefighter”.

I’m as dysfunctional as Gavin. Hell, maybe more so! Most of the old or “real” firefighters I know are as well. WE HAVE TO BE! Is that a good thing? Healthy? Probably not but that doesn’t change the facts.

Are we all as messed up as Gavin? No…. it’s TV. They just rolled all (or most of) our problems into one character.

You can’t see what we’ve seen and do what we’ve done and think yourself normal. Do dead people talk to me from inside my locker? NO. But there are faces I see often and will never forget. Memories I can’t loose. I would bet that true statistics within our profession for alcohol and spousal abuse would amaze you. Whats the divorce rate in your Department? The stress of this job can be overwhelming. Wonder why heart attacks are so prevalent?

Talk about stairs to climb …. try working a 24 hour shift away from your family. Get off tomorrow morning and go to you’r 2nd job. Screen a few calls from the wife about where you have to be when to pick up the kid or kids for this or that. Fire Officer class is tonight 6- 8pm … that promotion test is just weeks away and Firefighter “Joe” from the truck could use a hand building his deck for the company cookout next week.

Don’t forget to stop by so and so and drop off a check for whatever lesson or sports club and we’re out of milk.

By the way, the dishwasher quit working,  the grass needs mowed and my car is making a “funny noise”.

Do you have enough hours in the day? Enough days in the week? Are you making enough money? Yea… all the firemen I know are filthy RICH! How about your runs?  Seeing anything that bothers you? Hungry, low income children. Do ya see people you want to help and cant?

Get closer to home How many games have you missed due to pulling a tour? How many birthdays, holidays etc? How many times have you been pulled between you’re “firehouse family” and your family at home?

It’s an up hill battle…. “stairs to climb”  and it comes with the job. Over worked, under paid, seeing people in the worst conditions, sacrificing ourselves and our families for complete strangers . .. why? Because it’s a calling … It’s OUR CALLING!

 The bad news is that there are plenty of steps. They keep going up and up. My good friend and West Coast Brother Joe Schmoe must feel like he’s on an escalator. He called last week and I knew something was heavy on his mind. He didn’t get the chance to tell me but I know what it is. Cold feet. Schmoe is nearing retirement (as in about a month away). He’s been climbing those stairs so long, he doesn’t know how to stop. He’s not sure if he wants to. I hope he finds a peaceful landing to catch his breath. I know he will but I also know that his heart and soul is in that stairway. The same one we are all climbing. Not unlike the ones that collapsed on our brothers back in 2001.

That’s why I’m climbing Thursday. Because of firemen before me like my dad and Captain Joe Schmoe who have made their climb. I’m climbing because  if any of those 343 Brothers lost on September 11, 2001  were here today, I’d guarantee they’d miss or sacrifice whatever to be right there in those stairways again.

Thursday, they will be. They will be in a stairway in Baltimore Md. They will be in my mind and I WONT MISS A SINGLE STEP !!

I’ll update ya from the road… until then, stay safe and in house!

Captain Wines

Posted by on July 19, 2011 • Filed under: fire-rescue-topics, firefighter-safety-health, in-the-line-of-duty, line-of-duty, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,