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Melt Down

6 comments

It’s been one month since my brother (Jack) choose to take his own life on December 30th.

I wrote about some of the effects it had on me over the past few weeks in two posts… read “Searching for a new normal” and “A Firefighter’s Boots”.

Writing those posts proved to be very therapeutic for me. The support I received following the “Boot” post was nothing short of amazing. Thanks to a simple idea and photo from a good friend and fellow Firefighter, Nate Camfiord;  pictures of firefighter’s boots from all over the world began to fill my mail boxes. It was very humbling and I can’t say THANK YOU enough.

I had decided to return to duty on the following Sunday (Jan. 20th) but, due to Departmental policy; wasn’t able to. It’s a good thing though because I wasn’t ready … I’m not 100% sure that I am now but I’m trying.

I got released for duty last week but decided to go ahead and take some previously scheduled vacation time.

I had scheduled these dates back at vacation sign-ups to travel to Florida with Zach Green and my MN8 FoxFire family  but, after Jack’s death; I told Zach that I would not be able to make the trip.

He understood, said it wasn’t a problem and for me not to worry. In a later conversation, he made me a great offer. He said “come to Florida anyway” … not to work but to “get away” for a bit. A change of scenery. Some time to “clear my mind” and rest. It was something I felt I needed but didn’t want to leave my dad. Well guess what …. dad went too.

We left the cold and snow behind to find sunny skies and 80 degree temperatures in Daytona. That’s the 1st “melt down” I’ve encountered lately.

I ended up putting my boots and Bunker Kilt on to help Zach and the team at Fire-Rescue East 2013. I just couldn’t lay by the beach / pool all day knowing they were working their butts off due to being short staffed.

I was glad I did. I met some great folks down there. He had some fantastic conversations. There were plenty of hand shakes, hugs, kisses. Some of us even cried together. It was very emotional for me but again … something I needed.

I got home and decided to attend another function I had cancelled following Jack’s death. The Lexington Fire Department (Va) is where dad began his service in the Fire Department and I had been invited to speak at their annual awards banquet and dinner (a huge honor for me).

Like Zach, Chief Ty Dickerson understood back when I told him I didn’t think I could make it. The worst part about it was that he didn’t have time to get a replacement. He too told me  ”don’t worry about it”.

Well, I made the dinner and I spoke. I’m not even sure what I said but I got up there. There were so many things I wanted to say. So many topics. So much that needed (and needs) to be said and I missed em all. Everyone came up afterwards to shake my hand and thank me for the speech.  Some called it motivational and empowering. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

My mind has been going in a hundred different directions, at a hundred miles an hour and, most of the time these past 30 days; I’m not even sure I knew where I was.

I can’t think straight. I still feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. My stomach is in a knot and I can hardly eat.

All the talks, my writing, putting my boots on and getting back “out there” wasn’t the cure….

THERE IS NO CURE. 

Don’t get me wrong when I say it’s not the cure because IT IS HELPING. Opening up, talking and sharing my grief is what has been the most therapeutic. It’s also the part I feared the most.

I’ve never been good at it and it’s always been “taboo” in the Fire Service anyway. It’s time for all of that to CHANGE. We (firefighters) are HUMAN. We have feelings and we  can “hurt”. That’s the part we need to learn … that it’s “ok” . It’s “ok” to have and show emotion. We need to learn how to deal with emotion and stress in a more healthy manner. After (or while) I learn, I’ll share it with you.

Last night, I had a melt down … a big one.

My mom and sister were staying with me here at the house. We, along with my daughter and wife; were having a discussion. We were talking about Jack’s death and many of the surrounding issues. I became very emotional and they (my emotions) began to pour out of me. I say “they” because there are several  …. one of them being anger.

Yes, feeling ANGER is one of the “stages” of the grieving process and I have plenty of it.

Regretfully, I let it out last night… I couldn’t stop it … I wish I had.

I’ve been talking to folks about some of my fears and other feelings but I haven’t shared my anger with anyone yet. I’ve been hiding it and that was a mistake. It should have come out in a different setting. In a different manner.

I’m sure they felt my anger was directed toward them … IT WASN’T.

It’s Jack I’m mad at … at Jack and myself and for many reasons.

Feeling anger is just one of the steps (stages or phases) of the grieving process. Depending on who you talk to, there are 5 to 7. The most important thing to keep in mind is that we all grieve differently and there is no prescribed order to the process.   “Our grief is as individual as our lives”.

From what I’ve learned, the stages are as follows …

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance
  • Pain and Guilt
  • Reconstruction

You can learn more about the “Stages of Grief ” at the following web sites ….

Grief.com,   Recover from Grief.com , The Sweeney Alliance, Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance, North American Firefighter Veteran Network

Everything I’ve done to this point are just small steps on my way to recovery … to my “new normal”. I will NEVER be “the same” again but I will learn to be happy. I’ll learn to survive and function without my little brother but it’s gonna take some time. I know that.

Tomorrow morning, I will report for full duty. It’s going to be a difficult tour for me but, my brothers and sisters will be there to help me along and they wont let me fall. In return, I’ll be there for them. They’re grieving too and together, we’re gonna get through this.

THANKS AGAIN for all the support (calls, comments, e-mails etc)!

Stay SAFE and in House!

Captain Wines

Posted by on January 30, 2013 • Filed under: ems-health-safety, fire-rescue-topics, firefighter-safety-health, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Barefooted … for now

6 comments

I’ve been attempting another (this) post for several days now. I’ve written several and sent em to the recycle bin instead of posting. I didn’t want to seem (or come across) as angry and I felt like they did. So, like everything else here lately, I’ll try it again. My emotions lately are across the board.

Despite the overwhelming support I received following my last post (“A Firefighter’s Boots”), I was NOT able to return to duty and put mine (my boots) back on. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to … I DID … more than anything, and you folks were a HUGE part of the reason why.

The comments, e-mails, Face Book messages and phone calls were all nothing short of amazing! Then a good friend and brother Firefighter, Nate Camfiord; posted a picture of some bunker boots with a simple message … “for a friend”. Talk about “Honor”, “Pride” and “Respect” … Nate reeks of it.

He (Nate) then called Rhett and told him what he had posted and why. The two got their heads together and the next thing you know, hundreds of pictures of “Firefighter’s boots” were being posted and sent in! They came from EVERYWHERE…. it was an AWESOME display of support! I was humbled and brought to tears.

Some of the pictures had messages attached. Each touched me. Some were heart breaking yet healing at the same time. All were emotional, heart felt, honest and motivational. They all said, in one way or another; for me to put my boots back on and that each of you were not only willing to, but “THERE” to help me with the “fit”.

I had no idea! I knew the Brotherhood existed, I just didn’t know it did to this extent. I also figured out that all of you were grieving “for” and “with” me as well. I know that you all felt my pain…. I had hoped to spare ya from it. That was selfish of me.

I later learned that part of the healing process needed to be a sharing of that pain and grief and, that I have a huge family to do that with. We all do the same thing … we help others, even at our own sacrifice. You wanted to help me. To be beside me. To comfort me and share in my grief.  My being there would allow us all to move forward … to begin the healing process.

I wanted back in those boots this past Sunday. I wasn’t sure how it would turn out but I was going to put them on. I wanted back in them for me and for you. I needed it…. we all did.

Obviously, it didn’t happen. I did however get by the station (and Station #5) for a visit that morning … I was glad I did. The circumstances surrounding why I didn’t work were beyond my control and I hope you folks weren’t disappointed. I hope I didn’t let you down.

We only get a couple days “funeral leave” in our system (one of which has to be the day of Last Rites) so I’ve had to take several days of “sick leave” since Jack’s death. I’m on the “old leave plan” so it’s no big deal for me. It doesn’t affect my Vacation or Holidays, I have plenty of it and, it will renew in July. I’ve earned it.

The problem I encountered was in our S.O.P’s (Standard Operating Procedures). Since I have taken more than 3 consecutive days “sick”, I need a doctor’s note before I can return to duty. One of our Deputy Chiefs reminded me of the policy when he called to “check on me” Friday evening and it’s a good thing he did (remind me that is). Can you imagine the turmoil it would have caused if I had shown up for duty without a permission slip doctors note?

It may have actually been for the best… I may have tried to come back too fast / soon. I’ve had a difficult week (emotional wise) and think that the couple extra days off couldn’t have hurt. They helped and the Chief of Department has told me to take all the time I need. I’ll get there…. I know it. With a support group like you, how could I not?

I’ll get a doctor’s note, even if I have to get Dr. Seuss himself to write one (he is a close personal friend and the only Doctor I REALLY trust you know…lol). My plan now is to return to duty on Tuesday the 29th or Thursday the 31st. Meanwhile, I’m going to start easing my way back to normal … my “new normal” anyway.

Zach Green and my MN8 FoxFire family will be in Daytona Beach Fla this week for the 2013 Fire-Rescue East convention … I’m going with them. Actually, I’m going to meet them there. Dad will be there too. They will be in booth #720 …. stop by and say hello.

A change of scenery, getting away (even if just for a couple of days) may be just what I need. It will also be a good opportunity to “reconnect”. I’ll be surrounded by firefighters, friends and family. It will be like easing back into the firehouse, only in a convention type setting.

It’s going to be difficult for me. I remain very emotional and it shows … that’s ok. I’m gonna cry in front of a lot of people this weekend. That’s ok too. I’ve learned that over these past 3 weeks. We’re HUMAN … I’m human. It’s what actually makes us good firemen. I’m going to start talking and “sharing” a lot… about opening up…. about talking (yea… to real live, other people). Sharing our stories, our feelings, our emotions. I’m going to tell ya how it’s ok to use E.A.P (Employee Assistance Programs), counselors and psychologists. IT WORKED FOR ME. If I can do it, anyone can.

I’m not “healed”. I’m not “over it” and I’m not “ok” BUT … I know that I will be. I know that I’ll learn to deal with and live with this pain… with this part of me that’s now missing.

If you’re in or going to be in Daytona for the show, look me up … I could use the company. Leave a comment here, message me on Face Book, hit up Rhett (Fire Critic) or just stop by booth #720 … Zach and Kelly will know where to find me. Heck, I may even put my boots back on while down there and give ya a free demo of FoxFire.

I’ll check back in from sunny Daytona (as soon as I stop and buy a new speedo). I just wanted to let you know (warn ya) that I’m on my way.  THANKS AGAIN for all of and the continued  SUPPORT…. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Stay SAFE and in House!

Captain Wines

Posted by on January 23, 2013 • Filed under: administration-leadership, fire-rescue-topics, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A firefighter’s boots

28 comments

Our boots are one of the seemingly simplest tools we have as firefighters yet they each have a story to tell.

Maybe you have to be a firefighter to understand but for most of us on the job, we can look at a brother or sisters boots (and how they wear them) and learn so much about the person wearing them.

Shined or scuffed. Tall or short. Laces or zippers. Station wear or structural.  By the rig or inside the cab. Bunkers over or separated from our pants.  By the bed at night or out in the bay. We depend on our boots… they get us to the job and have been there for every one … good and bad.

I’ve been in a dark place following my brother’s death two weeks ago and my boots continue to consume my thoughts. You can tell by just the few examples I gave above that we have many options (or choices) when it comes to our boots. One of the biggest however is the one I didn’t mention and the same one I’m facing now … knowing when (and how) to put them back on or to just hang them up.

I’ve been open and emotional here on the site before but not to the extent that I was in my previous post (or at least I don’t think so). The response was very positive and to be honest, it was also very therapeutic for me so I think I’ll try it again.

I’ve never been in this place (or any like it) before and I don’t like it. I can’t figure it out or “fix it” quickly and it’s not a position I’m used to or comfortable with. I’m still dazed and feel lost. I can’t sleep, keep food down and even find it difficult to draw a full breath. I get out of bed every day feeling as if I’ve been kicked in the gut. I’ve walked a million miles these past two weeks searching for answers or some sort of closure or peace but even these boots can’t get me far enough from the pain for me to function as I should.

Some of my friends are telling me to get back to work … get back to a “routine” and whats “normal”. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet or if I’ll ever be. It used to be that I had a farming and firehouse life. Last week, I sold all my cattle and I haven’t been to the firehouse since Jack’s death.  For the first time in my career, I’m nervous scared to go to work. I’m scared of what I’ll have to face and question my courage or ability to push through it.

I worry about facing the guys. I know this sounds “petty” but it bothers me. What will I say to Phil or Lynn when I walk in the door? What will they say to me? I know that right now, I’d break down in tears and I don’t want to do that … not at the station. Maybe they will break down? I don’t want that either.

They have to be wondering what to say to me. What can they say? Nothing they come up with will make it any easier for me (although appreciated). I’ll see their pain in knowing that I’m still hurting. I do and will know that they want to and are willing to share in that pain but still cant stand the thought of placing that burden on them.

Then, the seven o’clock bell will hit and the other members will emerge from the bunk room and we’ll have to relive the situation all over again. The event will unfold time and time again throughout the day as we converge with other companies. Maybe there wont be any conversation … just that awkward silence because nobody knows what to say.

I’ll be the guy who stops all conversation by simply entering the room. My presence will affect our members, their mental status and maybe even their ability to perform their duties because of it. I don’t want to be “that guy” either.

I also worry about the incidents that I’ll respond to and if I’ll be able to function after arriving. I’ve NEVER doubted my ability to do the job … until now. I’m not sure how I’ll react on certain types of incidents. More specifically, I worry about running suicides,  ”Code Blues” (CPR),  and any other type of fatality we may encounter. What if I “break down” while on the scene? In someone’s home… in front of their family. We are there to assist with their crisis, not bring more into it.

I’ve seen death throughout my career … a lot of it. I’ve seen it from new borns to elderly and from many mechanisms. As firefighters, we’ve all seen things that nobody should have to. I know that there is no “illusion” to death. It’s (their) face(s) has continued to visit (haunt) me over the years. I’ve always been able to move it “somewhere” in the back of my mind, to “file it away” and move forward … even when they hit “close to home”. This is different.

When our girls were home, Donna; (my wife) always knew when I had run an incident involving a child. We’ve never talked about them but she’d get a call at whatever time in the late night / early morning. I’d have her go to our girls bedroom, look in on them and tell me they were ok. I’d have her do it while I was on the phone. I heard it, I knew that they were ok and that I could move on through the rest of the tour. This time, there’s nobody to call and it’s not ok.

Of everything I’ve experienced and witnessed throughout my life and career, NOTHING can compare to what I had to do on December 30th. This was more than “close to home” … this WAS HOME. We were at Dad’s house and that was Jackson laying in front of me. JACKSON! I don’t want to see anymore.

Maybe my “file cabinet” is full. Maybe this file is simply too big to fit inside. Either way, I’m having trouble putting this one away. Maybe I don’t want to. How can I put Jack into “that” file cabinet anyway? Into “that” place in my mind? I know I’ve  got to figure it out because I can’t keep going on like this. I need and want for my mind to slow down. For me to be able to focus and move forward.

I know that part of the reason that I’m in the condition I am is because I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet. What I’m “searching” for. I know what it is … it’s very specific and I’m not sure it will happen. I want it to … I need it to. I’m not ready to share it with all of you yet but I know that if I find it … if I get this answer, I can go on.

I’ll say here that I’ve had a ton of support (my entire family has). The e-mails, comments etc have been heart felt and therapeutic in themselves. THANK YOU … THANK YOU …THANK YOU! I’ve even had several therapists and professional counselors reach out…. everyday they’ve helped me. I’ll include some links at the bottom once again. If you haven’t already … CHECK THEM OUT. When you go to the Sweeneyalliance, be sure to sign up for their newsletter “Grieving Behind the Badge” .

So, once again; writing this has helped and I’m thankful to have this outlet. My Chief (and Department) has been VERY understanding and supportive. He’s told me to take as much time as I need knowing that neither of us could know how long that may be. Well, after writing this; I think it’s time to try. I think I’ll return to duty on Sunday and see if I can get back into my boots. Get back into my boots and “do work”. To see if I can still make a difference … hopefully, a positive one.

Willie

 

Posted by on January 18, 2013 • Filed under: administration-leadership, ems-health-safety, firefighter-safety-health, news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Searching for a “new normal”

22 comments

I’m going to give this a try with no promises on the outcome so bare with me.

It’s been just over two weeks since I lost my brother (Jackson) and I’m still struggling. His Birthday would have been on the 10th. In the last post I made, I said his death was “unexpected to say the least” but it was much more than that … it was devastating.

What I didn’t tell you was that Jack took his own life… he committed suicide.  He killed himself and took a huge part of me with him.

He left me with guilt, anger, remorse, regret and more questions than I’ll ever know the answer to. My days and nights are now consumed with a search for those answers and I feel as if I’m wondering aimlessly in some far away land…. I have been and remain LOST.

I’m going to share this story (or as much as I can and I know I’ll ramble) for a couple of reasons. First, I think (and hope) there are some lessons here for us all. The second is more selfish in that I think it may be therapeutic for me. It’s difficult for me to “talk” about these things, so I don’t. It’s much easier to type them here. I need to get it out… or at least some of it. I may not even hit the “publish” button but if I do,  maybe this will help me find what or who I’m searching for. Maybe it will help me find my “new normal”.

Part of my anger is that of all the total strangers I’ve helped over my career, I couldn’t (didn’t) help my own brother. Someone so close. My flesh and blood. Someone I seen or spoke to almost every day. Someone I loved more than he ever knew. How could I not help him??? He was right there! I’m supposed to be good at it … finding and helping others.

Jackson’s life was a struggle from early childhood and I think he looked at it as a failure (or at least a disappointment). He never really “held” a steady job. He didn’t have money in the bank, a lavish home or a fancy car.  He struggled day by day to make ends meet and the battle took an early toll on his mind and body. I never knew what his actual “goal” in life was.

I think he thought that dad and I (as well as others) held some sort of expectations for him that he was never able to (or couldn’t) meet.  He couldn’t have been more wrong. Although i would have loved to see Jackson prosper (and even become a fireman), what I wanted more than ever was for him to simply NOT have to struggle in life. I wanted him to realize what he DID have … to be happy with his accomplishments and achievements. He had many and I wish I had told him my feelings.

Jackson had lost some ground again here recently. It seemed as if every time he would make a step forward, something would push him 3 more back. His wife kicked him out of their home a few months ago and he was forced to move in with dad at the age of nearly 42. I wont pass judgement or cast blame on his wife … Jackson was fighting many demons. I wish they could have worked through them.

Their separation meant that he would have to face his first Christmas alone. Alone in that he would not get to spend it with his children. He wouldn’t get to shake em out of bed to see if Santa had arrived (even though they are now teen aged). He wouldn’t be there to see them walk into the living room on Christmas morning. To see them open the packages he’d broken his back to get knowing it would be worth the smile on their faces. That was one of our “good” childhood memories and a tradition we’ve both carried throughout our adult lives.

I spoke to him several times on Christmas. I “spoke” to him but we didn’t “talk”…. not like we always have. We had argued in the days before and both of us are hard headed…. neither wanting to admit that the other was right. I didn’t tell him I loved him that morning … I wont get a second chance.

There are so many “what if’s”. So many I “should have” and “could have” dones. Looking back, I seen it. I knew he was hurting. I knew he was hurting but … he was my brother … he was dad’s son… he was a Wines…. he was JACK WINES and we are a firefighting family! This was not our first rodeo.

Our dysfunctional lives had become somewhat like a “bread and butter” fire…. “routine” so to speak (or so we thought). He’d seen troubles (we all had … Jackson, more than his fair share). He knew rough roads and had weathered them all… it’s what we did.  I was sure that he was tough enough to take it and move on so there was no need to talk about it. Somewhere over the years, I had forgotten what a fragile soul he was. I had forgotten how to talk to and comfort my little brother. I think the little fella was just tired of fighting and he gave up.  

When and where did I become so unaware of those closest to me? Where did I go so wrong? When did I pull that curtain or build that facade? How did I not see it?

Picture my dad as the Chief and me the Captain of our family. Our careers taught us to absorb the things we’ve seen, done and experienced and not talk about or dwell on it…. we passed that on to Jackson. It was a “tough love” if you will. Had we have only known ( well … I knew … I just couldn’t “see it”).

What examples are we as firefighters (Officers or not) setting today (on and off the job)? Keep in mind that being a firefighter also means being human … men and women. We should lead by and set the example…. after all, we are the people everyone else looks to for help.

My life has revolved around “the job”. It’s what I was taught and all I’ve known. A lot of times (most times actually), my Fire Department family came first because my home family “understood”. They were or should have been as strong and tough as me (or so I thought). They (the home family), could and would “do without” certain things knowing that I was somewhere else because that’s where I thought I was needed most. Today I know I’m not near as smart or tough as I thought I was and that I was more often than not in the wrong place. I wasn’t the son, husband, father or brother I should have been and again, I wont get a second chance.

Knock down those walls …. destroy the facades. Stop being (or trying to be) that tough burly fireman and start showing that we too are human. Open up to your members … to you families. Encourage them to open up to you as well. It’s ok to share and to show feelings and emotions…. the job overwhelms us with them and we can only store so much.

I’ve cried a river of tears these past two weeks. Rhett and Kevin have been by my side and seen a part of me that not many others have. In one of our conversations, I told Rhett that I was worried about seeing visitors. Every time someone came by or even called, I couldn’t help but break down. If I made it to the greeting, I would see the tears in their eyes or they would start to cry and it sat me off. I didn’t want the boys to see me like that.

Of course Rhett asked all the right questions…. to see me like what?  HUMAN? To see that I had emotion? That I felt pain? We share the good times, why can’t we share the bad? Help them help you get through this he said. How can we be Brothers and Sisters if we never let each other “in”?

They were crying because they seen or felt my pain. It hurt them to see or know that (and how much) I was hurting. It’s very humbling and I hope I grow worthy. I wanted to hide or shield them from it … from my pain and theirs. As a Captain, and brother; it’s my duty to shield them from harm … to protect them.

They were going to feel my pain, going to cry and suffer with and for me (as well as my family) either alone or in my embrace. If they loved and cared about me THAT much (so much that they wanted to SHARE in my pain and suffering), why would I let them go through it alone? Why would I go it alone knowing that they were there to help carry the load? I wish I could have been there for Jackson and vow, that if ever possible; to never be out of place again. We’ve taken many visitors and cried many a tear together since that day. I’m thankful for each.

Like me, many of you may not be good at it (opening up, sharing, talking) but we do have resources to help us along. I have Rhett, Kevin, Dave, the Brotherhood and many more close and personal friends. I’ll include some links to the more “formal” ones at the bottom of the post but just understand that we have to stop coming home (or reporting for duty) so “hardened” that we’re blind to the issues right under our own roof. How can we continue to help those whom we are sworn to protect and serve when we can’t help ourselves or our own?

As for me, I will never be the same but know that I must find a “new normal” and continue moving forward…. I can and will.

I’ll continue more on this post in the next day or so but, until I do; I’d like to once again THANK everyone who reached out with thought, prayer, e-mails, comments, visits, flowers etc over these past two weeks. I will start working on “thank you” cards tomorrow. Just know that each of you were heard, felt and appreciated … you’re why I’m able to post this today and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

If ANY of you ever need someone to talk to …. an ear … some direction … whatever, I may not be the best but I’m always available. Don’t fall into the traps I did.

You, or the person you’re thinking of may NOT be “alright”. You or they my NOT be able to handle the situation and it MAY be worse than you thought. REACH OUT before it’s too late …. open up and share with those you love (on and off the job). We have options. Don’t settle for, expect or make those we love come looking for help … GREET THEM WITH IT.

Here are the links I mentioned ….

 

Willie

Posted by on January 14, 2013 • Filed under: news, Uncategorized • Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Thank you!

5 comments

By now, I’m sure you are all aware that my little brother, Jack died last Sunday at the age of 41. It was unexpected to say the least.

I wanted to take a moment to say THANK YOU for all the thoughts, prayers, comments, e-mails and general support my family and I have received over the past week.  Your sympathy, love and heart felt kindness has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

I’m still searching for answers and trying to get back to some sort of normalcy … it may take me a while. Please bare with me as I work my way back.

Jackson was many things and was well known as an avid outdoors-man as well as for his love bluegrass music. There is so much more I want to say / share but just can’t get the words out yet …

For now, I’ll leave ya with the lyrics / song from one of his favorite artists …. Alison Krauss

“You’ve closed the door in front of me I wait patiently outside.

And as the minutes tick away I feel my anger rise.

Who’s the object of my rage and who’s not being fair?

Is it you for your indifference or me for just standing there?

 

‘Cause in my mind the room beyond is bathed in golden light.

Well I dream about you through the day and I toss and turn at night.

Sometimes it’s hard to understand when they say that pride’s a sin.

Should I go or should I stay on the outside looking in?”

Stay SAFE and in House!
Captain Wines

Posted by on January 7, 2013 • Filed under: news, Uncategorized

Obituary and Funeral Arrangements for John Charles “Jack” Wines (Willie’s Brother)

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This is Rhett posting for Captain Wines. He is unable to get to the computer during this time of mourning. I am handling a few things for him in his absence.

Willie’s only brother, John Charles “Jack” Wines, died this past weekend at the age of 41. Jack is the son of Retired Firefighter Willie Wines Sr. I have been with Willie over the past couple of days and he is maintaining. He appreciates all of the phone calls, emails, FB messages, and texts. He has kept up a little bit and it has helped through this emotional time.

If you have any questions, need information or addresses, or anything else please email me at firecritic@firecritic.com or text me if you have my phone number (it is on my Facebook profile.) – Rhett Fleitz

Funeral arrangements:

A Funeral Service will be held at 10 a.m. at Oakey’s North Chapel on Saturday, January 5, 2013, with Pastor Steve Van Houton officiating. Interment will follow in Fairfield Cemetery, Fairfield, Va., with a Graveside Service at 1 p.m. The family will receive friends from 6 to 8 p.m. on Friday, January 4, 2013, at Oakey’s North Chapel.

The address of Oakey’s North Chapel: 6732 Peters Creek Road Roanoke, VA 24019

Obituary: (online here)

John Charles (Jack) Wines, 41, of Roanoke, died on Sunday evening, December 30, 2012. Jack was in the landscaping business, enjoyed life and being with his family and friends. He was preceded in death by his stepmother, Peggy Wines; his paternal grandfather, Jack Wines; grandfather, William H. Creasy; and his maternal grandparents, Lloyd and Glenidene Hubbard.

Jack is survived by his wife, Mary Ellen Humphreys Wines; his children, John (Jess) Wines, Charles, Brook, and Amanda Wines; his grandchildren, Josiah and Johanna Wines; his father, William (Willie) Wines Sr. and wife, Robyn, of Roanoke; his mother, Carolyn Layne Creasy and husband, Jerry, of Indian Trail, N.C.; his paternal grandmother, Eugenia Wines, of Fairfield; his grandmother, Helen Creasy; his brother, Willie Wines Jr. and wife, Donna, of Catawba; his sister, Marci Barrier and husband, Aaron, of Indian Trail, N.C.; half sister, Jessica Marie Creasy, of Long Beach, Calif.; stepsisters, Lisa Clark and husband, Troy, of Buena Vista, and Sarah Duffy and husband, Derick, of Roanoke; stepbrothers, Jason Wade and Matthew Wade, both of Ferrum; also numerous nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and many devoted friends.

Posted by on January 3, 2013 • Filed under: news • Tagged: , , , , , , ,